tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87297269240634095732024-03-05T09:06:49.975-06:00holy mischiefUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729726924063409573.post-51553262050661986672012-06-03T16:06:00.002-05:002012-06-03T16:06:43.468-05:00grace<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">I've exhausted every possible solution,</span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">I've tried every last game there is to play.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;"> </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">In this search for the Christ-like perfection,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">I'm convinced I've only left my God ashamed</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">I cry I wonder can he hear my despair.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;"> </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">Afraid to lift my hands, afraid he doesn't care.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">And if he answers and I fall again, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">can I still be his daughter? Can I still depend on him?</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;"> </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">When I'm down, search every mistake, I'm looking for new regrets.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;"> </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">Sometimes I forget, I forget </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">that his grace is sufficient for me,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;"> </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">that it's deeper and wider than I can conceive.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;"> </span></div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">His Grace is sufficient for me.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;"> </span></b></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">My convictions seem to fade with desperation, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">my hope declines with each and every tear.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;"> </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">My sin an anchor and this grace just an illusion.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;"> </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">The gavels heavy and justice is near.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;"> </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">Up comes the light and finds the stains on my hands.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;"> </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">Up comes my pride, I hide, I know he won't understand bec</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">ause it's </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">deeper than deep and it's wider then wide.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;"> </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">why did I ever doubt now I'm dying inside. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;"><b>His grace is sufficient for me.</b></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">something is bugging me. someone is facebook-yelling at their church for not being good enough, in their own terms. i want to ask: what about those in your church who struggle to live out their faith in fear and trembling among a community that neither understands nor accepts the gospel of Jesus Christ? what about some of those Christians who try continuously to have conversations with people who refuse to read the Scripture and think that so many platitudes and inspiring quotes <i>must </i>be in the Bible because being a Christian means to be nice and charming and have good hygiene and manners and go to college and convince themselves and others (and God?!) that they are good enough to be worth Jesus' sacrifice.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><b>I'm not worth it.</b></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">And neither are you.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><b>For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God...</b></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">...and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Jesus Christ. (romans 3:23-24)</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">we don't deserve grace, but it's ours. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">Jesus is our righteousness which empowers us to do good works in the world.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">i'm having a hard time wanting to jump onboard what this person might think is </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">the <i>only way to be a Christian.</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">is social justice necessary? absolutely. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">is mission work a holy calling? yes.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">i believe service is a way of life (holla at your Krista Colleagues!),</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">however,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">does mission work exclude white urban/suburbanites as recipients of the Gospel?</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">we can't <i style="font-weight: bold;">possibly</i> need the message the salvation,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">can we?</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">and so today i ponder </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><b>grace.</b> </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">how do i treat this <i>someone</i> with the <b>grace</b> of Jesus Christ?</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">how do i speak my heart in <b>gentle</b>, <b>loving</b> ways?</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">how do i concede when they have a good point, but discuss (with eloquence) when our views oppose?</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">i am grateful for the gift of grace i have been given. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">for it is by grace that you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works so that no one may boast.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">ephesians 2:8-9</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">i guess we just need to remember, constantly, how very much in need of grace we all are. then allow it for ourselves and for others.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">we will never be perfect.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">this side of heaven...</span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729726924063409573.post-7974960196821270622012-04-12T20:45:00.000-05:002012-04-12T20:45:24.983-05:00stop looking<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVTAOatEJ05H9IIRie3D0Ee9PBjZarPyVostTBwNkLd7ro8PE48XVmYYaEapqKKkX9EkpOvNwvnBadIfEDjvbmczhGhjH1Aeiq7iRWL6gtSZIt67MEOhHVUW2YGjp2CzK2jgYqvWSQ4LI/s1600/friend_pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVTAOatEJ05H9IIRie3D0Ee9PBjZarPyVostTBwNkLd7ro8PE48XVmYYaEapqKKkX9EkpOvNwvnBadIfEDjvbmczhGhjH1Aeiq7iRWL6gtSZIt67MEOhHVUW2YGjp2CzK2jgYqvWSQ4LI/s320/friend_pic.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
so, i've heard people say something to single people for a long time: 'as soon as you stop looking, you'll fin d him/her!' i sort of feel like that is happening right now, but with friends.<br />
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i have longed with a bitter and hollow sadness to be back "home" with what i considered "my community". for five long years, i have felt an outsider in san antonio, watching several other communities flourish while remaining invisible, or unable to be let in either because the community was unable to let me in, or i was unable to let myself in.<br />
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looking back at the last post i put in here, a full two years ago, i was so hopeful about finding a community. but that group didn't work out. in fact, we still don't have any sort of regular 'group' to 'belong' to. <br />
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sometimes, i just think i'm being too picky. who in the world gets to grow old with their best friends and raise their children together? no one. so, i guess not me either. but it haunts me. they have all begun their adult lives. more or less, together. and so i feel outside even where i should be 'in'. <br />
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oh, but this post is about how when you stop looking, you find them. i did kind of have to stop looking because i was getting disappointed too much. people i thought i'd be so close to, its been years and we're still just...not...close.<br />
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but here's where it gets interesting. <br />
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there have been these few little gems that for unknown reasons have wanted to know me. and i have been finding myself wanting to spend more time with and invest in. and so far, we have. and new littles keep cropping up. <br />
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but i keep trying not to get my hopes up, even though that's pretty much how i operate. <br />
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i guess i just long for true, deep relationships. that last. <br />
<br />
i want to crack up and have deep talks and raise babies and share stuff and ideas and memories with people.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729726924063409573.post-54020425191314974102010-02-20T10:37:00.001-06:002010-02-21T12:17:34.736-06:00wait for the Lord<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_2A2stP_oknrA5acSFwE96LpmAIqRfLPBGKY5kdPjosb5RDwW-t-kZDRkWQQFbsLT7Qhdcifd1aSpg6C0TEq3P3AC8r1TynBZ9qQyjx-N3_xhQj1ACsS33GD_9tjXgKuU0TvkTpdZEAM/s1600-h/community.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_2A2stP_oknrA5acSFwE96LpmAIqRfLPBGKY5kdPjosb5RDwW-t-kZDRkWQQFbsLT7Qhdcifd1aSpg6C0TEq3P3AC8r1TynBZ9qQyjx-N3_xhQj1ACsS33GD_9tjXgKuU0TvkTpdZEAM/s320/community.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div>i was afraid of last night.<br />
<br />
two weeks ago, we tried getting together with some new neighbors who are wanting to build intentional community and try being "missional" together. <br />
<br />
lots of awkward silences, culminating in a rousing discussion about how to most effectively get rid of raccoons in your attic. <br />
<br />
not exactly what i had pictured, and i was really not looking forward to last nights second meeting.<br />
<br />
ah, but isn't that where the Lord meets us? in the places we do not want to be (jonah)...<br />
<br />
the best part is, it wasn't even perfect. we still talked about the raccoons, but this time it was much more entertaining and playful as we felt so much more comfortable with each other. <br />
<br />
there were lots of awkward silences as we sat around eating hot dogs and drinking beer. we kept using babies to get us out of tough spots ("she is just SO cute! look at her little expression right now! i think she just burped...").<br />
<br />
but then, magic.<br />
<br />
we decided to share our stories, how we grew up and how we got to san antonio (there must be <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">some</span> reason why we are all here)...<br />
<br />
as we prayed, the Presence came in through closed doors. <br />
<br />
scripture seeped into hearts and was then spilled out to share and encourage, inspire. <br />
<br />
psalm 27. wait for the Lord.<br />
<br />
and i realized that david and i <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">had</span> been waiting for the Lord. waiting in what felt like exile in texas, for this night--for believers to meet with in our neighborhood who wanted to open us and themselves up to a grand Adventure.<br />
<br />
i am finally excited about the future again.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729726924063409573.post-1424420281557993042010-02-07T20:49:00.001-06:002010-02-07T20:51:46.119-06:00i love...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAdSBQJ9Bsqaf5BvXv3CkexsM1I2qOxo0upC8Vp9c8uUqw4Mk4eINiKKM0_TT-7r1jNHgrulmBar3jJaIhbzwsG1OiuOP2G3Q3I10B848CPyQ89aCnDmRRieD9dJntZ9xmAU7EHTT9PkU/s1600-h/Photo+47.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAdSBQJ9Bsqaf5BvXv3CkexsM1I2qOxo0upC8Vp9c8uUqw4Mk4eINiKKM0_TT-7r1jNHgrulmBar3jJaIhbzwsG1OiuOP2G3Q3I10B848CPyQ89aCnDmRRieD9dJntZ9xmAU7EHTT9PkU/s320/Photo+47.jpg" /></a></div><br />
last night, we watched adventureland.<br />
<br />
not what we had expected, but we liked it for sure.<br />
<br />
the two main characters reminded us of what it was like to be falling in love. <br />
<br />
for us, in college at <a href="http://www.whitworth.edu/">whitworth</a> , when we would just stare at each other in the car and be so in tune with how we felt about the other person that we could think of nothing else. <br />
<br />
we talked about how funny and annoying it would be now to find the other one staring at us while we drove. but back then, we could have just stared at each other for hours, feeling the music of our souls and drinking it all in. and that is exactly what we did back then.<br />
<br />
so after the movie, we talked a lot about where we were and where we are now in our love. <br />
<br />
tonight, i was listening to <a href="http://davidwilcox.com/">david wilcox</a> , one of our absolute favorite artists. i was reminded of this beautiful song that was supposed to be our first dance together at our wedding, but we forgot to put it on the playlist. <br />
<br />
:/<br />
<br />
anyway.<br />
<br />
enjoy and think of the one you sing this to.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10px; white-space: pre;"><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/pFvtSBQf8RM&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/pFvtSBQf8RM&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></span><br />
<br />
lyrics:<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #180700; font-family: Georgia; line-height: 22px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #180700; font-family: Georgia; line-height: 22px;">I love your sense of humor<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />I love to see you smile<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />I love your sense of balance<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />I love your sense of time<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /><br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />I love your music in the morning<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Your rhythm in the night<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />But it's your kindness<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />That shines so bright<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /><br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Yes I love your beauty<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />I love your sexy moves<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />But more I love your honesty<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />You always tell the truth<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /><br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />I love your vision of the future<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Your hope that never dies<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />But it's your kindness that clears my skies<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /><br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Yes I love your wisdom<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Your knowledge of the past<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Your willingness to listen<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />And taste for what will last<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /><br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Your compassion for the suffering<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />And your solid happiness<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />But it's your kindness that I love best<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /><br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />I love...<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />I love...<br style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />I love...</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729726924063409573.post-78977677229774137422010-01-26T17:51:00.001-06:002010-01-30T14:25:18.388-06:00ads<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6FyXbioSUmos8Vz9h3Pz4tmDnaGidwQnifp_zwXtWx-fA5DAZT66ImfCbvfXtK7vJnlRbhhk4uw8FdYmU-dbF3EUqO0ZSXqWkq_pfGx0nM228lygxtyNqGuXVbT96WY_3klq0i92klxE/s1600-h/sorry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6FyXbioSUmos8Vz9h3Pz4tmDnaGidwQnifp_zwXtWx-fA5DAZT66ImfCbvfXtK7vJnlRbhhk4uw8FdYmU-dbF3EUqO0ZSXqWkq_pfGx0nM228lygxtyNqGuXVbT96WY_3klq0i92klxE/s320/sorry.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br class="webkit-block-placeholder" /></div>full disclosure: i put google ads on the sidebar of my blog to see if i could get any revenue. if you feel like it, click on a link, but i know you're all too smart to do that, so...<br />
<br />
sorry! just seeing if its worth anything.<br />
<br />
have a nice day.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729726924063409573.post-36537683139672269332010-01-26T09:41:00.001-06:002010-01-26T17:19:30.785-06:00adventures close to home<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb8MkS_ae6bTeY9ptzgMywuOBOKoI-MA5ZhsFs0reWHWYUHIP6gdVFHBP23l_7EbVpq3-N_ZBgxX5gCYQbeUvJyIcxfwBzg6g_lmAm7q9HHSmkDc5b8leAgQ-0YFV2lO-qMgMreWXLZRY/s1600-h/little_girls_having_fun_by_ddoki.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb8MkS_ae6bTeY9ptzgMywuOBOKoI-MA5ZhsFs0reWHWYUHIP6gdVFHBP23l_7EbVpq3-N_ZBgxX5gCYQbeUvJyIcxfwBzg6g_lmAm7q9HHSmkDc5b8leAgQ-0YFV2lO-qMgMreWXLZRY/s400/little_girls_having_fun_by_ddoki.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431079870466393010" /></a><br />
<br />
**taken directly from a book i just rediscovered: succulent wild woman by SARK...<br />
<br />
women deserve adventurous lives. as little girls, we served flower petals on plates made of leaves, and imaginary liquid in thimbles, wearing skirts made of old tablecloths.<br />
<br />
we adventured on our bicycles, which turned into imaginary horses. there were daily adventures, close to home, beneath the clothesline, in homemade forts, in our best friends' bedrooms. <br />
<br />
as adult women, we can become more sedate, less experimental--we develop "adventure amnesia" and don't even remember what is lost. <br />
<br />
then we're invited to a tea party and feel a fizz of excitement. or, we take a "miracle walk" in our neighborhood, just to look at trees. we go out dancing together and wear wild nail polish... <br />
<br />
we remember our adventurous souls. i like to take my sleeping bag and drive to the county during comet active times. i hike to a hilly spot and watch shooting stars.<br />
<br />
full moon hiking is another grand adventure. extending our antennae can produce adventures in "ordinary places". <br />
<br />
while walking on a cliffside trail with my friend, debbie, around the bend appeared a man in an elegant suit and tie--as though he had just walked out of a magazine. i complimented his appearance loudly and heartily, and he grinned and introduced us to his 2 japanese friends, also wearing suits. they disappeared down the path, and we laughed at the incongruity of it. <br />
<br />
a tiny adventurous moment, close to home. it changes your perspective, reminds you that the world is deep and rich and full of colors and miracles. <br />
<br />
fill your life with tiny and large adventurous moments...<br />
<br />
...we must be open to adventure--seek it out, ask questions, dare to talk to strangers. <br />
<br />
women are oppressed by fears in this society. it's true. it's not safe. neither is staying home, hiding from an adventurous life. take self-defense, use your intuition and caution, walk in pairs and groups, but please, come out of your houses, apartments and cars.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729726924063409573.post-32926749249676729322010-01-19T21:40:00.000-06:002010-01-19T21:54:43.753-06:00least of these<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD32-5Vn4c8rD3qNAb-0fWuoEps6D2tldhHwFEhj35d9oiT5aSim8J3yuq6csDAAYH1SobG1mHTZyWe1lxJCdMwqxWwyGRPCoQ_rl1pCSICdzE3tb7F_cQr0hP8C67ucwSGtwhoG5d80Y/s1600-h/homeless-christ.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 382px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD32-5Vn4c8rD3qNAb-0fWuoEps6D2tldhHwFEhj35d9oiT5aSim8J3yuq6csDAAYH1SobG1mHTZyWe1lxJCdMwqxWwyGRPCoQ_rl1pCSICdzE3tb7F_cQr0hP8C67ucwSGtwhoG5d80Y/s400/homeless-christ.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5428664869299837922" /></a><br /><br />today was rough.<br /><br />lots of ish happened that made me exhausted emotionally and physically--david was sick, josiah threw up all over me, some contractors gave us a good idea of what we need to do to fix our leaking basement, lots of loads of laundry and dirty diapers... <br /><br />david said to me: babe, you've worked so hard today and done so much. tonight, when josiah goes to bed, you should just go and do something--whatever you want to do! you deserve it!<br /><br />my first thought was: yes! a night out with a friend to eat and drink and be merry after working super hard all day! this will be so fun!<br /><br />but i suddenly felt very lonely. <br /><br />there still arent many people in san antonio that i feel i know all that well--well enough to call up on a tuesday night for a little food and wine and laughter...<br /><br />my best friend, <a href="http://nobloggingkgb.blogspot.com">dirty</a>, and i talked for awhile and she was sympathetic and sweetly prayed for me as i wept for feeling so lonely. <br /><br />i trudged into whole foods and dropped $15 on pizza, mississippi mud (large, cheap beer) and a chococlate bar, then headed to walgreens to check out the movies at the redbox. <br /><br />near the redbox was a black man in a wheelchair. in his lap were some bags from walgreens and a book, a blanket over his legs. he called out to me, asking me how i was. i gave the typical answer: "i'm doin' alright, how are you?" even though my face was still tight from having just been crying.<br /><br />his reply to my "how are you?" was, at first, simply: "homeless." i looked up from the redbox. "thank you so much for asking," he went on.<br /><br />we talked for awhile, i shook his hand multiple times and i admitted finally that today had been a rough day and that i wasn't simply just "alright". his ministered to me and spoke Truth about Who and Whose i really am. <br /><br />he is one of the first homeless people i have met who didn't obviously have mental health issues--and i've met a lot of homeless people. it broke my heart that as we talked he told of his very basic, real human needs, confiding that he hadn't been able to bathe in over a week and that he was very self-conscious about the way he smelled. <br /><br />he expressed anger and sadness toward the people on the bus that treat him differently because of how he smells currently and he called it what it is: selfishness. that they can't get out of themselves enough to even consider that he may be unable to find a place to bathe. <br /><br />i didnt have any cash on me, but i wanted to give him all my christmas money.<br /><br />when i got in the car, i still felt the impression of his hand in mine as we shook hands upon saying goodbye. <br /><br />i haven't cried about anyone other than myself in such a long time and it felt so awful and so right. <br /><br />God! provide for your child, byron!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729726924063409573.post-6081834276139095792010-01-11T19:15:00.000-06:002010-01-11T19:32:48.305-06:00virtual insanity<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZIJFUJzwTi9XmAotPaTYQRaE3IS1xUy1I3jGlZsW_enjNR5r_UEZhoXyxvqWv1wSC3gNjWZsbGERmfUWOBcgzzXUalBGn9ShyvIAcyfpI8yerDxgOxu3RagmVbV-veiUIyvw5MM-xZyA/s1600-h/virtual_suicide_by_sfantoo.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 350px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZIJFUJzwTi9XmAotPaTYQRaE3IS1xUy1I3jGlZsW_enjNR5r_UEZhoXyxvqWv1wSC3gNjWZsbGERmfUWOBcgzzXUalBGn9ShyvIAcyfpI8yerDxgOxu3RagmVbV-veiUIyvw5MM-xZyA/s400/virtual_suicide_by_sfantoo.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5425657492394792930" /></a><br /><br />I love adbusters. There is a lot of stuff there that really makes me think about my life, about the kingdom of God, about the way I want/need to live.<br /><br />One of the feature articles is about how there are two companies that will erase your virtual identity for you so that you are no longer enslaved to a virtual life that you must keep up with, waste time on...<br /><br />I am torn. Social networking has been helpful in many ways--I love people so much and enjoy connecting with old friends and catching up on people's lives. I also love having a way to sneak in a random comment every now again when someone from my past appears in a dream or a memory. But if I calculated the amount of time David and I both spend on social networking sites and gmail, it would be embarrassing. I love technology, but I do wonder when the frenzy to be overly connected will stop or at least slow down. <br /><br />I was given a book by David's grandmother for Christmas, <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/31122.I_Capture_the_Castle">I Capture the Castle</a>. It's not a life-changing story or anything, but it has felt so good to just read a book instead of read whatever is online and tickles my fancy for the moment. It has made me feel more alive. <br /><br />I think I am going to think about spending less time online this year. I definitely am going to commit a little virtual suicide for sure. I think that my name and information have just been sprayed haphazardly across the internets way too much. <br /><br />It's time to be a little less "known". <br /><br />http://suicidemachine.org/<br /><br />http://www.seppukoo.com/Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729726924063409573.post-17300071340738918952010-01-03T22:46:00.001-06:002010-01-03T22:53:44.548-06:00He Lives in YouI was going to blog about the spiritually significant and inspiring experience of The Lion King last night, but my <a href="http://divingondefense.blogspot.com">thoughtful husband</a> beat me to it.<br /><br />Watch this, then read his entry. And forget the British people at the beginning. And see The Lion King. It is so worth it. <br /><br /><object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ghu5r8cmWW0&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ghu5r8cmWW0&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729726924063409573.post-88016850432459032152009-11-17T12:13:00.000-06:002009-11-17T12:15:44.427-06:00stolen from richelle's blogthis is wonderful. <br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/qBhaX0eDBbY&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/qBhaX0eDBbY&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729726924063409573.post-41947659365757068662009-11-16T23:20:00.000-06:002009-11-20T22:24:20.673-06:00Water-Walking<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB3TpXi_t1pZCJOZv1-9BAlAjFmGbhnvAbaiVMuYcW4xJ0hqeBLnwPYn8GO9B__9lId1RiKzjdW2NNP0UIhS1jjOjRyMhRy9Y9dAm6ekf3aXEwSSE1TvioN56vXdnbSzL9XrY3kWTjf04/s1600/step-of-faith.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 266px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB3TpXi_t1pZCJOZv1-9BAlAjFmGbhnvAbaiVMuYcW4xJ0hqeBLnwPYn8GO9B__9lId1RiKzjdW2NNP0UIhS1jjOjRyMhRy9Y9dAm6ekf3aXEwSSE1TvioN56vXdnbSzL9XrY3kWTjf04/s400/step-of-faith.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5404947397718715922" /></a><br /><br />So, I've taken a step of faith. A completely blind step in full faith that God will provide. I quit my job. For the first time in my life, I feel like I've done something to take care of myself. It's weird. And good. <br /><br />Sometimes, I have fleeting guilt. I've let down my students. I've given up on my teacher-heart. What have I done? Am I stupid? Look at this economy! How will we live? <br /><br />"Do not be afraid" is what I keep hearing/feeling in that intuitive God-voice within and around me. <br /><br />I have no reasons not to be afraid. We have a mortgage and a baby and certified teachers are scrambling for precious few positions and children need me to be hope in their lives and change needs to happen and the economy is awful and i want to be a good steward of my money and time and i want to be responsible and organized and provide for my family and put my husband through school and eat well and go out often....<br /><br />Barf. <br /><br />I've never felt such peace, cleaning my home and cooking my own meals again. <br /><br />I started a risky new endeavor, selling <a href="http://www.discoverytoyslink.com/germer">Discovery Toys</a>. But, I feel peaceful about it. I'm okay that it only makes 20% commission and that I have to do house parties like a Mary Kay lady. I don't plan on getting rich. I just plan on talking about babies and children and having fun and eating better and learning how to take care of myself. <br /><br />This is crazy to say, but I don't want a career yet. At least, I don't think I do. This has been my life:<br /><br />Married at 21<br />Neighborhood ministry/life with a roommate for the second year of marriage while completing my masters degree<br />Lived in 3 cities and moved 9 times in the last 6 years<br />Moved to Texas two years ago (I still can't believe I live here!)<br />Taught two different grades in three (incomplete) years in two wildly different districts and three wildly different schools<br />Had a baby<br />Bought a house<br /><br />Whoooooooooaaaaaaa. Whoa. Whoa. <br /><br />It's kind of a miracle I didn't break down earlier than I did.<br /><br />But I am so glad to be here, now. I want to be aware of my life, aware of how young I am and how fun life can be. I want to be less serious and more carefree. <br /><br />I know that God has a plan for my life, a rhythm for my family and for me. I'm not entirely sure that Discovery Toys is not what God wants for me right now, or even for a long time. It's nothing I would have ever dreamed I would even be interested in--it's so far from the ghettos and urban neighborhoods where I was sure that God exclusively resided. But Jesus is surprising me. He's luring me on a different path than I had ever imagined for myself. <br /><br />And for the first time in a long time, I'm actually trying to listen. <br /><br />For too long, I think I had an idea of what I should be doing as a Christian and then doing that with intense passion and pouring all of myself into it: Westminster House, MIT, West Avenue fourth grade, SAISD second grade...<br /><br />But now, I want to be a peaceful mother who thinks about her child most often and plans meals and family time rather than lessons that may or may not fall apart. Or make a difference.<br /><br />Don't get me wrong. I will still use my degree. Someday more than I am currently or in the near future likely to do. I still feel that teaching is a calling for me. <br /><br />But right now, I am most content being simply Mom.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729726924063409573.post-22288000097642140752009-08-09T20:01:00.000-05:002009-08-18T22:28:48.994-05:00something for nothing (everything)<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3iHYCbtX-vwFbjadXE6UCv_qSrTlsLz6p1t1P8OzQpe-aIcDSb5Dw16Dy4a8A88RgKV-nGjhp4Tl_YqxPbc1YLJrmnt5HHkevF2Ip8tEETUmEctBQ9Ms4QEQyuQdVTPqB_AG3e1K6z8w/s1600-h/apple_snake.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: undefinedpx; height: undefinedpx;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3iHYCbtX-vwFbjadXE6UCv_qSrTlsLz6p1t1P8OzQpe-aIcDSb5Dw16Dy4a8A88RgKV-nGjhp4Tl_YqxPbc1YLJrmnt5HHkevF2Ip8tEETUmEctBQ9Ms4QEQyuQdVTPqB_AG3e1K6z8w/s400/apple_snake.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368134120220010194" /></a><br /><br />a few weeks ago, we went to a "free" travel club seminar in order to receive a "free gift" (we ended up with a short vacation which will be fun in the future). i was reminded, though, of a podcast entitled "something for nothing" where they make the case that we always pay. no matter what.<br /><br />i felt that we paid by being exposed to incredibly blatant, and latent, lies. <br /><br />i have been previewing a book that i will be using this fall with my high school small group girls. i have learned so much from it about myself as a christian and as a woman.<br /><br />there are so many lies that i tend to believe. <br /><br />i am prone to judging myself as a woman based on so many cultural standards. at the travel club presentation, they made it seem like it was a woman's right to be "spoiled" by her husband and that men needed to lavish their wives at all times and give them what they want.<br /><br />lie.<br /><br />i am constantly assessing my femininity based on magazines, even ones like real simple and oprah.<br /><br />it is a lie that you must always get the newest gadgets, organizing systems, clothes and makeup colors every season to be a successful, honorable, and respectable, beautiful woman.<br /><br />it's hard, though, for me not to believe those things. it's like, as john piper put so clearly in a sermon i heard this weekend: "we step into a circus hall of mirrors...in one mirror, you're short and fat, in another, tall and skinny...in one mirror you're upside down..."<br /><br />the travel club experience was a hall of mirrors that really took some time and effort for me to shake out of my head to see the crystal clear reflection of Christ that is my Self.<br /><br />so, i continue to seek how to see myself in purity and in truth. it sounds cliche to say that the world's standards of beauty are not God's standards. but it's true. <br /><br />its part what the Gospel is about, why it is such Good News. <br /><br />we have to keep preaching it to each other because we forget so easily, everyday.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729726924063409573.post-5940389849661794102009-07-31T23:02:00.000-05:002009-08-01T23:02:56.089-05:00Who(se) Am I?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8JF5_gkgVuHRtPQv_9uJujnA4O4Ng97JQ-NtMaEnwQlFMDsPSxAecDSvPD-vsKa-E9JQuTuRVB0mNudctIdITsn1Mxb80nyzO7W-vDKmECFdnZX5nnnCWvaHeO4x9htSWCziI_2v1vwI/s1600-h/theotokos_gr.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: undefinedpx; height: undefinedpx;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8JF5_gkgVuHRtPQv_9uJujnA4O4Ng97JQ-NtMaEnwQlFMDsPSxAecDSvPD-vsKa-E9JQuTuRVB0mNudctIdITsn1Mxb80nyzO7W-vDKmECFdnZX5nnnCWvaHeO4x9htSWCziI_2v1vwI/s400/theotokos_gr.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5364849170730685874" /></a><br />An old friend reconnected with me on Facebook and told me she had looked at my blog. She had such words of encouragement that I thought I would start this up again. <br /><br />Everything has changed since my last post.<br /><br />I am now the mother of the exquisite Josiah Rippee Germer and nothing else matters.<br /><br />That's not true, entirely. <br /><br />What is true, though, is how I see everything through the Parent lens now. I feel the weight and glory of God's analogy of the Father-Child relationship so much more poignantly than I ever thought I could. <br /><br />I would die for this little boy.<br /><br />I've never really been able to say that with confidence, but I would in fact hand over my life if it would mean that his would be spared. <br /><br />My love for him is fiercely protective, fluidly in rhythm with my heartbeat and my blood pumping. We are inextricably connected for all of our lives and I have never been happier about the loss of independence.<br /><br />This new chapter, though, has had me thinking about my life as a follower of Jesus in a new old way. I have found a refreshing newness with the advent of a C-group of my own. I have had only two meetings with three particular 15-year-old girls, but those few hours have been so precious to me and have influenced me in ways I did not anticipate. <br /><br />Teaching them has helped me see how far off track I had gotten in my attempt at assimilating to Central Texas culture. With the forced loss of my nose ring last fall, I felt a forced loss of much more of my identity as a consumer of goods and services, and a follower of Jesus' Way. <br /><br />I feel that I was swept up in things simply because they were branded a certain way, falling prey to greenwashing and doing and purchasing things that made me feel superior to others who lacked information or "didn't care". <br /><br />In my quest to save, I think I alienated myself and others. <br /><br />Yes, eating real and healthy food is important, but what good does it do to eat alone instead of joyously, entertaining angels? Pregancy does weird things to our bodies, and a craving for meat did me in as a vegetarian. And honestly, I feel better about it. I feel less snooty and more open to sharing meals with people at the top of a holy list of sinners. Being a vegetarian, for me, in Texas, became more of a class and economic issue and less of a healthy "shalom" of restoring God's people to abundance again. Perhaps it will get there for me (again? for the first time?) in the future. For now, though, I am okay with the chicken breast in my fridge and sharing barbeque in the sweaty local joints with joyful Jesus lovers and those starting to catch the Good News. <br /><br />To tie this back in to the title, I have begun thinking about who or what I belong to. <br /><br />In some ways, it used to be food and Jesus, maybe in that order.<br /><br />I guess I am rethinking who I am and whose I am.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729726924063409573.post-3287142529289970542008-08-04T16:09:00.000-05:002008-08-04T16:20:51.104-05:00new celebrations<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ9BNX4U_Pb2gt86Ca4U76ahmtOZPYEqGMB1kU9Xvtf64UPFmzjgO2pc15dtYHIGkCJW54ZFPe2pdW72yrPf2ze358pSAtW8tzw13bcccvK4GVsofvdpO2n9mvktcPLIEwz1pl_h3jcyM/s1600-h/awip.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ9BNX4U_Pb2gt86Ca4U76ahmtOZPYEqGMB1kU9Xvtf64UPFmzjgO2pc15dtYHIGkCJW54ZFPe2pdW72yrPf2ze358pSAtW8tzw13bcccvK4GVsofvdpO2n9mvktcPLIEwz1pl_h3jcyM/s400/awip.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5230773584377359298" /></a><br /><br />this picture was taken during the wall street jubilee held a few years ago by brothers and sisters at the simple way. they took something liek $20,000 and redistributed it in small bills to the people of new york by way of a celebration on wall street. they called it a jubilee because they were declaring a cancellation of debts and a redistribution of money to the poor, something God calls the Israelites and the Christians to do. <br /><br />we are here in seattle right now and thursday night, our friend ben brought up a great question about holidays and celebrations. we started talking about how the "christian" celebrations we uphold in the US are so much more cultural than they are christian. we talked about why we don't celebrate passover and how easter isn't even biblical. <br /><br />it made us excited to think of the types of conversations we could have with these friends and the Real community that exists in part right now, not to mention the future. <br /><br />we started to joke about <em>commune '09 </em>, then kirsten preferred <em>community '09</em> which makes more sense. :) we shall see where God leads us, but for now we are thinking and thinking...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729726924063409573.post-53196975237827247562008-07-23T12:50:00.000-05:002008-07-23T12:54:32.658-05:00circle of hope<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwxkQjZ8CRzvYPdEJR2WNy4iIf04BcKcyWJlY7tybDduFTk773wBK1vKjFou_v9FHMCWLRQd68_aHnzVjU29-6KFLQQ0KpGXh4FZ7zmo1QHB4_3ZV1HnEvoxd1MXDV_PNzkad-zsB9bVM/s1600-h/2513914940_385f8685e9.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwxkQjZ8CRzvYPdEJR2WNy4iIf04BcKcyWJlY7tybDduFTk773wBK1vKjFou_v9FHMCWLRQd68_aHnzVjU29-6KFLQQ0KpGXh4FZ7zmo1QHB4_3ZV1HnEvoxd1MXDV_PNzkad-zsB9bVM/s400/2513914940_385f8685e9.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5226269361548438722" /></a><br />The church’s task is neither to destroy nor to maintain ethnic identities<br />but to replace them with a new identity in Christ<br />that is more foundational than earthly identities.<br />- Manny Ortiz<br /><br /><br />O, God! May we live into that Reality!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729726924063409573.post-34743847668469889892008-07-22T14:27:00.000-05:002008-07-23T09:38:51.485-05:00the foundry<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMChyphenhyphenC9XbyPxANJJm2O1-dRu30X-gNtDuFsjvAQ6O8PmvE3ldnSy8yokdWb4JA6tWJLqPgvtQ9_aN5t-4HFJehO9t5RYcihDwVF4a3kZLZSN2xhKGypes_-6xFlgpqqF9ltmyKfSN5X0E/s1600-h/coffee+cup+on+saucer.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMChyphenhyphenC9XbyPxANJJm2O1-dRu30X-gNtDuFsjvAQ6O8PmvE3ldnSy8yokdWb4JA6tWJLqPgvtQ9_aN5t-4HFJehO9t5RYcihDwVF4a3kZLZSN2xhKGypes_-6xFlgpqqF9ltmyKfSN5X0E/s400/coffee+cup+on+saucer.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5226218972710396450" /></a><br />a new coffee shop just opened up last week near our house. it is run by the 'methadome', a huuuuuuge methodist church in alamo heights. the interesting thing about it, though, is that it is run entirely by volunteers and the money is used in the local community. i dont know what it's being used for, but i think they are on the right track. it's exciting. david is thinking about volunteering there sometimes, and while i was in there today, they had me come behind the counter and make my own macchiato because they couldn't remember how to make one. it made me wish there were more weeks left in the summer so i could come and help out more.<br /><br />they even bring in tacos from our favorite place, <a href="http://www.tacotacosa.com">taco taco</a>, fresh everyday. can it be any better suited for us at this point? <br /><br />i was thinking, though, about how they can be even more practical to the community. coffeehouses are awesome, but what about the people who are not used to frequenting coffee shops? what about those who need something a little more sustainable? i heard that they are hoping to be seen in the community as a place for conversation and help, but i can't help but think that there might be something even more practical and peaceable that could be done. like growing fresh vegetables or having a sliding scale pay system...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729726924063409573.post-63480448720034102612008-07-19T05:43:00.000-05:002008-07-19T05:51:28.107-05:00economics of abundance<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisOjlEmczOEp8x02Pa-AxxmFFZvn3zr4fQQ8B0Ca8nRFPTEbzLnhYopX1ngEr1jSVH2m2c0CSCAHKqFlmIS9r0vt6N7Nt8haw_85G0bt-WKbzIo4DLijKDi5Y-wUVRS6bNLwhZ6q_8XIY/s1600-h/berger-journeyhome2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisOjlEmczOEp8x02Pa-AxxmFFZvn3zr4fQQ8B0Ca8nRFPTEbzLnhYopX1ngEr1jSVH2m2c0CSCAHKqFlmIS9r0vt6N7Nt8haw_85G0bt-WKbzIo4DLijKDi5Y-wUVRS6bNLwhZ6q_8XIY/s400/berger-journeyhome2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224674490546502290" /></a><br /> To be convinced of the sanctity of the world, and to be mindful of a human vocation to responsible membership in such a world, must always have been a burden. But it is a burden that falls with greatest weight on us humans of the industrial age who have been and are, by any measure, the humans most guilty of desecrating the world and of destroying creation. And we ought to be a little terrified to realize that, for the most part and at least for the time being, we are helplessly guilty. It seems as though industrial humanity has brought about phase two of original sin. We all are now complicit in the murder of creation. We certainly do know how to apply better measures to our conduct and our work. We know how to do far better than we are doing. But we don’t know how to extricate ourselves from our complicity very surely or very soon. <br /><br />How could we live without degrading our souls, slaughtering our forests, polluting our streams, poisoning the air and the rain? How could we live without the ozone hole and the hypoxic zones? How could we live without endangering species, including our own? How could we live without the war economy and the holocaust of the fossil fuels? <br /><br />To the offer of more abundant life, we have chosen to respond with the economics of extinction. <br /> <br />If we take the Gospels seriously, we are left, in our dire predicament, facing an utterly humbling question: How must we live and work so as not to be estranged for God’s presence in His wok and in all His creatures? The answer, we may say, is given in Jesus’s teaching about love. But that answer raises another question that plunges us into the abyss of our ignorance, which is both human and peculiarly modern: How are we to make of that love in economic practice?<br /> <br />That question calls for many answers, and we don’t know most of them. It is a question that those humans who want to answer will be living and working for a long time—if they are allowed a long time. Meanwhile, may Heaven guard us from those who think they already have the answers.<br /><br />-Wendell BerryUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729726924063409573.post-72925354927342223762008-07-19T05:40:00.000-05:002008-07-19T05:56:43.152-05:004:30<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAGUKAPvz-SmNELiFimC0G0Led-nB9isg8uEqrD4k_Ckmiq-rA1_QUalWWk4OFfn2kFV3MAhhGX9EUl6UbiHkKkvPt3X2GDVsnaWwd-OS8BsXbfQ35wUdY4o9SpxA_rYT7BgBEh-SHJME/s1600-h/heqi-MaryMagdalene.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAGUKAPvz-SmNELiFimC0G0Led-nB9isg8uEqrD4k_Ckmiq-rA1_QUalWWk4OFfn2kFV3MAhhGX9EUl6UbiHkKkvPt3X2GDVsnaWwd-OS8BsXbfQ35wUdY4o9SpxA_rYT7BgBEh-SHJME/s400/heqi-MaryMagdalene.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224673736848826306" /></a><br />My friend, Jason, asked the other day if I was “turning old early” because I have this problem lately where I simply cannot fall asleep. Monday I stayed up until 4:30 one night and tonight I am now pre-blogging at 4:30 (writing things that I will copy and paste when I go somewhere with the Internets, probably when I break down and go to Starbuck’s to get us morning coffee etc.). I thought I’d write the blog entry where I talk about some of the those timid steps I’m taking toward living in the Way with Jesus. <br /> <br />I have been trying several different ways of pulling out of the system that is not Love.<br /><br />I am everyday choosing and refusing to believe that exploitation is necessary. I don’t accept “We’re all going to die of some kind of cancer anyway, so might as well enjoy life”, or “It doesn’t matter what you do, you’re going to have to contribute to the broken system.” Even the popular Christian ideas of “just passing through” will not cut it for me anymore. Jesus is explicit in teaching global citizenship, responsible stewardship, peaceableness and enemy love. <br /><br />I have been trying not to wear makeup and have been taking care of my skin by 100% natural means, keeping it clean, figuring out foods that trigger acne, exercising, drinking more water and using <a href="http://www.coconutoil.com">coconut oil</a>(thanks, Kate & Meghan!). I’ve been having great results that are not only healthier for my body but at this point, a way of decreasing my dependence on products that try to “fix” my “problems”.<br /><br />David and I have gone through our apartment, the first time of many, placing stickers on the things we will get rid of. We plan to try and sell as much as possible and give the money away. So far, we’ve given some of our things away to friends who have need or who would take stuff we were pretty sure other people wouldn’t want like half used lotions and pomade. ☺ We are going to slowly pare things down so that we have what we need: a sweet simplicity of utility and art.<br /><br />David and I have been dreaming big together lately, dreaming of our future family and the life we want to be living. The community garden we helped start in Spokane was the beginning of a love affair with the Earth and part of the reason we thought about moving to Texas was the promise of a longer growing season (virtually year-round). Then we moved into a hip apartment in an historic district. We grow aloe vera inside, which is only semi-useful. We definitely can’t eat it, or at least, we wouldn’t want to. <br /><br />But we’ve been dreaming big dreams lately, dreams that conjure up a new community, an entirely different way of living where everything is shared more freely and Life is truly abundant. We had a taste of that life in Spokane and we are itching for more.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8729726924063409573.post-8226527942318556772008-07-18T19:48:00.000-05:002008-07-18T19:51:20.309-05:00the Way<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX6aW3GbKiwG9iSP6T0MNrp5xS2Avxqo0ecJOZ74aPRqTJZxp9onFf3CmBME7UvNKEycMsSI3kgCxqT64z1g2vdIb0VSVtUtEzGZYu1mqvvbYFUGBKzDLL1azRo7DB_07JU3kymIhRMVw/s1600-h/Ps85-700.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX6aW3GbKiwG9iSP6T0MNrp5xS2Avxqo0ecJOZ74aPRqTJZxp9onFf3CmBME7UvNKEycMsSI3kgCxqT64z1g2vdIb0VSVtUtEzGZYu1mqvvbYFUGBKzDLL1azRo7DB_07JU3kymIhRMVw/s400/Ps85-700.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224521328859767874" /></a><br /><br />Summertime. My first real summer in years. One of the more visible perks of teaching. It has given me time to turn inward, read things I've been wanting to for a long time, having many conversations with David about important things... So far this summer, I've read three important books in my reading repertoire:<br /><br />1. <a href="http://theshackbook.com">The Shack</a><br />2. <a href="http://jesusforpresident.org">Jesus for President</a><br />3. <a href="http://http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Great_Divorce">The Great Divorce<br /></a><br />All three books have given me perspective on my faith that I have never quite seen so clearly before. It's like I literally have New Eyes. In the past, I have always leaned more toward alternative ways of living (thanks Mom & Dad), but I don't really think I understood why that might be better. Perhaps it was a longing for uniqueness and creativity,something learned from my Seventh-Day Adventist grandmother that kept me seeking unconventional ways of doing things, eating and caring for my body and Creation. <br /><br />But the ideas and Realities these three books opened me up to changed me. Rather, Jesus changed me. I've been a Christian since that fateful night after Lakeside Bible Camp in 5th grade (I prayed for Christ to come to me alone in my room because I didn't want my camp counselor to have the satisfaction of claiming she "lead" me to Christ! Ridiculous.), but I hadn't been able to reconcile many of the things I felt drawn to and the Christian "Agenda" I inherited and then developed. <br /><br />I guess what I'm trying to say is this: I am falling in Love and embracing the changes that come with seeking to live in the third Way of Jesus. This blog is because I lay awake at night and think think think so I thought I might try blogging about those thoughts.<br /><br />I put some links to websites that might have something to say about Jesus, as well as the blogs of some of my friends who not only actually have blogs, but may share this affinity to dreaming big and living small. My hope is that folks might read my thoughts and begin to look again at what the Way meant and what it means now. Let's talk.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1