Sunday, June 3, 2012


I've exhausted every possible solution,
I've tried every last game there is to play. 
In this search for the Christ-like perfection, I'm convinced I've only left my God ashamed
I cry I wonder can he hear my despair. 
Afraid to lift my hands, afraid he doesn't care.
 And if he answers and I fall again,  can I still be his daughter? Can I still depend on him? 

When I'm down, search every mistake, I'm looking for new regrets. 
Sometimes I forget, I forget 
that his grace is sufficient for me, 
that it's deeper and wider than I can conceive. 
His Grace is sufficient for me. 

My convictions seem to fade with desperation, my hope declines with each and every tear. 
My sin an anchor and this grace just an illusion. 
The gavels heavy and justice is near. 
Up comes the light and finds the stains on my hands. 
Up comes my pride, I hide, I know he won't understand because it's 
deeper than deep and it's wider then wide. 
why did I ever doubt now I'm dying inside. 

His grace is sufficient for me.

something is bugging me.  someone is facebook-yelling at their church for not being good enough, in their own terms.  i want to ask: what about those in your church who struggle to live out their faith in fear and trembling among a community that neither understands nor accepts the gospel of Jesus Christ?  what about some of those Christians who try continuously to have conversations with people who refuse to read the Scripture and think that so many platitudes and inspiring quotes must be in the Bible because being a Christian means to be nice and charming and have good hygiene and manners and go to college and convince themselves and others (and God?!) that they are good enough to be worth Jesus' sacrifice.

I'm not worth it.
And neither are you.
For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God...

...and are justified freely  by his grace through the redemption that came by Jesus Christ. (romans 3:23-24)

we don't deserve grace, but it's ours.  
Jesus is our righteousness which empowers us to do good works in the world.

i'm having a hard time wanting to jump onboard what this person might think is 
the only way to be a Christian.

is social justice necessary?  absolutely. 
is mission work a holy calling?  yes.
i believe service is a way of life (holla at your Krista Colleagues!),
does mission work exclude white urban/suburbanites as recipients of the Gospel?
we can't possibly need the message the salvation,
can we?

and so today i ponder grace. 

how do i treat this someone with the grace of Jesus Christ?
how do i speak my heart in gentle, loving ways?
how do i concede when they have a good point, but discuss (with eloquence) when our views oppose?
i am grateful for the gift of grace i have been given. 
for it is by grace that you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God;  not as a result of works so that no one may boast.
ephesians 2:8-9

i guess we just need to remember, constantly, how very much in need of grace we all are.  then allow it for ourselves and for others.

we will never be perfect.

this side of heaven...


Keith and Meghan said...

I read the first line and the song came flooding back to my memory---LOVE JKnapp! Ever more, I love your post and your perspective. Such a beautiful reminder---that we all need all the time. I appreciate you Tracy.

Tracy Mae said...

Meghan, JKnapp is the best! Glad you knew it at the first line! Thanks for taking the time to read. I appreciate you, too. Wish we could hang out! :)

Sarah said...

The funny thing about church and Christians is that none of us are "good enough", and that's the very reason why we exist. I can hardly wrap my mind around these incredible concepts lately, the ones about my depravity and the depravity of the person next to me, my helplessness, greed, self-serving desires that I act on about 95% of the time, and then, when I do "good" things, even THEN I find my motives are tinged with the stench of self-righteousness. Those thoughts about Christ and the Garden of Gethsemane, drinking the full cup of God's wrath on my behalf and to restore the things that once were... I am just, after 28 years of hearing and believing the gospel beginning to actually understand what it is all about - grace, grace, God's grace, grace that will pardon and cleanse my sin. Although I live like I believe in cheap grace way over half the time, thanksgiving abounds in my heart when He gives me a glimpse of what the church exists for, what He died for.... when I read blog posts like this or hear podcasts about grace, I am again pushed back into seeing and appreciating that grace. I rarely have the words to express the kinds of questions and answers you wanted to use to engage with the person you are describing, but I hope He gave/gives you the Spirit of grace and love overflowing as you seek to speak truth in a world of darkness.